We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
