It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
