I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
