I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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