I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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