why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
