she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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