remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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