I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
