in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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