my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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