Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
