your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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