i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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