my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
