hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
