Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
