Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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