Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
