oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
