Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
