if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
