why didn't you poke me back
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
