I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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