So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
