Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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