Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Me. At least after what I've been through.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
where am i from again
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
