My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
