You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
