end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I still have a little drunk in my system
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
