i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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