It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
