Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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