My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I need to calm my uterus...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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