sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she looked like the before picture.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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