You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
