Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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