The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
