My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
