Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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