The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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