If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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