I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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