his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
