Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
