so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
