I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
