apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
