i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize