I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
