wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
