She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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