Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
