We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
