In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just found puke in my bra..
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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