she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
