I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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