I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
