You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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