Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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