i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
