its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
