my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
