I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
