There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
