the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
