the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
