11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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