you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
