You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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