woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
