dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
