I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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