Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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