A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
