I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
is wine microwaveable?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Randomize
