My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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