you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
