if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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