found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
