She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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