Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This is the high leading the old right now
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
