I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
